As another month comes along and the days and weeks keep rolling by, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my “why” for my financial independence journey. After setting my goals for the year, but now considering a work change and feeling unsure about how to handle the golden handcuffs, I’ve found the thing that helps the most is to remember my why. For a long time, my why has been hard to articulate. It’s been more of just a feeling, a knowing beneath the surface. But I think I’m finally ready to put it into words.
If you’re a regular reader of my blog (first of all, thank you!), you likely know my story. You know that when I discovered the FIRE (financial independence, retire early) movement, I wasn’t in any big rush to hit my FI number (on a basic level, 25x your yearly expenses). I didn’t, in fact, want to retire. I was just a good saver and liked the idea of saving enough money to know that I could retire if I wanted to. I knew I would hit that magic FI number someday, and that was good enough for me.
But then, it turned out the hamster wheel I was happily running on was not sustaining me after all. I had been in academia for so long, working my butt off to get a job I thought I wanted. And of course, once I had it, my “dream job” turned out not to be my dream job after all. I took a paycut so I could keep working and stay in Vermont (I didn’t want to take another academic job in another state). This paycut job required much less effort and much fewer hours, and I found myself flung off the hamster wheel. All of a sudden, I had all this time. Time to learn about who I really was outside of work.
Around the same time, I started learning about alternatives to the FIRE movement, specifically slow FI. Slow FI, a term coined by The Fioneers, is about slowing down and enjoying the journey to FIRE. It’s about using the financial freedom you’ve gained on the way to FI to start living more into your ideal life now, instead of waiting until you hit that magic number.
The slow FI movement started because so many of the early adopters of the traditional FIRE movement raced to the finish line, and nothing magic happened. Many of them wrote on their blogs about how they had made themselves miserable, working jobs and hours that weren’t sustainable (some even called it a death march), to hit this magic number that didn’t end up being so magic. They weren’t instantly happy. Hitting their FIRE number didn’t *poof* make all the bad stuff go away.
And yet, for me, when I thinking about slowing down and enjoying more of life before I hit my FI number, I still get stuck. I find the golden handcuffs to be real. I find the money coming in, which I know if there’s more of will make me hit FI faster, to be the biggest driver of keeping me stuck. Especially when it comes to making lifestyle changes that I think will make my life better now.
I’ve worked hard to find a job, and a new career, that pays really well and at the same time gives me good work-life balance. I’ve learned how to set good work boundaries. I’m making more than I ever have, so it’s hard to think about decreasing my income and taking longer to reach FI. But as I shared in a recent post, what I really want more than money and hitting my FI number is more time. More time to continue experimenting with lifestyle design and living my best life now. I’ve taken steps to add some of these things into my life now (daily walks, this blog, etc.), but there’s still so much I want to do with my time.
So when I’m going in circles, not wanting to give up the golden handcuffs but wanting more time, what do I do? What do I lean on when I’m stuck?
My why
Anders, the Coast FI Guy, says that when your why is strong enough, nothing can stop you. I love this so much. Mostly because I’ve found it to be true.
For so long, my why has been ambiguous. I’ve gotten good at setting my goals, which over timed have shaped and informed my values. I’ve found that when I live into my values, I’m happiest. But I’ve always found my why hard to put into words. For me, my why has always been more of a feeling, more of a way of living life.
But as I’ve gotten more vocal about my life plans with the people closest to me, and as I’ve progressed on my blogging journey, I’ve realized that I want to be able to articulate my why more clearly, so that I can help set an example for others who are searching for their whys.
On a more personal level, I’m sick of going back and forth and in circles about the next step I want to take. The joy of the FI journey is that money gives you options. Just because I choose one path does not mean I have to stay on it forever, or even for that long. I want to be able to pivot easily (or more easily than now, which is not to pivot at all). And I think having a clear why is going to help with that.
My inflatable “why rafts”
I like to think of my why in terms of inflatable rafts. My rafts help me float, help lift me up, help sustain me, help keep me from drowning. I also like thinking of them as rafts because there can be levels to which they’re inflated. I’m a big fan of reflection. I always want to be reflecting on how things are going, whether it’s with my goals, my relationships, or my why rafts. Some rafts may be more or less inflated than others, and thus need more of my attention at one given time.
Currently, I have three rafts that make up my why. These are always subject to change.
Health
The first raft that makes up my why is my health. For me, this includes my physical, mental, and spiritual health.
I have had quite the journey with my health over the years. I went from a 3-season athlete in high school to a college volleyball player to playing for fun as an adult at a really high level to being plagued with knee injuries and problems. I’m no longer able to play volleyball (and many sports that I love like tennis) at the level I was used to for so long. It has taken many a mental shift to get where I am today: incredibly happy with the activities I am able to do.
I make time to exercise (yoga, walking, biking) almost every day, and I get in a longer walk/hike when I can. But ultimately, I want to be able to spend more time on my physical health than I do now. Of all the things I daydream about while I’m working my 9-5, taking more long-distance hikes is right up there at the top of the list. Whenever I am able to downshift my work, one of my biggest goals is to be able to take a longer hike (2+ hours) multiple times a week.
Regarding my mental and spiritual health, journaling and meditation help a lot, but there are quite a few aspects I would add if I had more time, some of which are on my Financial Freedom List (a list of things I want to do or try as I gain more time and financial freedom): participating in a virtual Buddhist immersion course, becoming a meditation instructor, etc.
Connection
Another important raft that makes up my why is my connection raft. I wrote recently about how I’m prioritizing friends and family this year, and I’ve realized since that post and reflecting on my why that this raft feels like it is the most deflated.
Mr. Dink and I have great people in our lives. We have never felt better about the people we choose to call friends and family and the people we spend our time with. And yet, we still crave more time for connection with them.
I wrote recently about how my relationship with my sister-in-law has changed over time. And soon, it’s going to change even more due to the birth of her child, my niece. I’ve learned through the years that change is ok. The difference now is that I want to be there for all the change, not to avoid it. Change can lead to even more connection if we let it, if we embrace it. And I know that having more time will help facilitate connection and help inflate this why raft.
Contribution
Although my connection raft is my why raft that feels most deflated, my contribution raft is the one that’s pulling me most to downshift. Let me tell you why.
By day, I am a medical writer. There are many different types of medical writers out there, but generally, most could say that they help pharmaceutical companies of all sizes communicate the science behind the drugs they are developing and/or selling. You could say as a medical writer, writing about life-saving drugs (typically), that my job would give me LOTS of feelings of contribution. In fact, many medical writers feel a deep sense of contribution. But for me, this has never really been the case. Just like how I learned that teaching in academia wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, when all I wanted to do was teach, so too have I learned this about the pharmaceutical and medical communications industries, where all I want to do is write.
Although I mostly enjoy what I do, and I’m good at it, it’s actually rare that I feel a sense of contribution at my job. I think it also really depends on the therapeutic area (aka, what disease state you’re writing about). For example, when I was writing about respiratory diseases like asthma, I felt a deeper sense of contribution than when I had to write about aesthetic drugs (think Botox for fixing wrinkles). But ultimately, I’m still just helping pharmaceutical companies make even more money than they already do.
When I took something called the Sparketype Assessment, my eyes were opened even further. The assessment told me that the work that really made me come alive had to do with nurturing. I was stunned.
Then I took a closer look at my Financial Freedom List, and I realized that so many of the things that were on it would fill up my nurturing tendencies. Clearly I was missing those in my life, and I didn’t even know it.
Those are the things that now pull me to downshift, to free up more time to explore. Things like being a hospice volunteer, learning how to give meditation instruction, and helping take care of my niece.
No wonder I wasn’t feeling much contribution at work. Because I wasn’t doing the work that lights me up. The reason I do enjoy it somewhat is because it is aligned with my second-highest ranking Sparketype, which has to do with being a lifelong learner. This is why downshifting to part-time work has resonated with me so much. I can still make some income from something I’m good at and enjoy somewhat, while freeing up more time to pursue other passions.
Implementing my why
When I sat down to think about my why and came up with these 3 rafts, I also realized that everything on my Financial Freedom List could fit into one of these 3 categories. This tells me that my why rafts are very much aligned with how I’m living my life (or how I plan to live my life).
So if you’re thinking about your why and are having a hard time articulating what your rafts would be, think about the things you would do with your time if you had more of it. Maybe you have your own version of a Financial Freedom List.
Or vice versa, if you’re clear on your why rafts but feel unsure about how you would actually spend your time if you had more of it, sit down and reflect on those why rafts. What are some things you could add into your life or that you want to add in once you have more time that are aligned with your why?
It’s also good to consider your why rafts when setting goals for the year (if this is something you do). For example, this year, I’m prioritizing time spent with friends and family, which fits perfectly into my connection raft. Potentially, if I had considered these rafts when I was articulating my goals for this year, I would have recognized that my connection raft was feeling more deflated at the time. I’m looking forward to being able to reflect on these newly articulated why rafts when I set my goals next year.
Closing thoughts
Mr. Dink and I have had so many conversations about me downshifting to part-time work. As helpful as they are, I still go in circles. When I’m going around in circles feeling stuck between working full-time and downshifting to part-time work, I’m really going back and forth between whether I want to pursue FI or slow FI. And if I think about it that way, it makes things a bit easier. Because ultimately the merry-go-round spinning in my head stops at the same spot: that I know what I want, which is more time. I know I really want to pursue slow FI instead of FI.
I’ve tried pursuing FI as quickly as possible while also trying to fit things into my life that are important outside of work, but here I am, still wanting more time. I know pursuing FI as quickly as possible would be my own version of a death march, and who knows how much time we really have on this earth?
What are some of your why rafts? How do they help you on your FI journey? I’d love to hear from you!