Warning: Your Community May Change Once You Embrace Slow FI

The other day, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts, Martinis and Your Money. It was the monthly happy hour episode, where the host, Shannon McLay, talks about a financial topic with a few of her friends. In this particular episode, they were talking about the importance of community. This got me thinking about my community. It made me reflect on how important community is to me, but it also made me realize how much my community has changed in the last few years. I started contemplating why this was so, and every reason kept circling back to when I started embracing slow financial independence (slow FI).

Slow FI, a term coined by The Fioneers, is the process of slowing down the race to FI to be able to enjoy more of life along the way. It’s a way to use the financial freedom that you gain along the journey to FI to start living your best life now, instead of waiting until you hit your FI number (roughly 25x your yearly expenses).

If you’re on the path to FI but constantly feel lost and burned out, slow FI may be a better option. But before you decide on a slow FI path…

First, figure out your “why”

I believe that without a purpose, without a reason for slowing down and enjoying the journey, there’s no real reason to embrace slow FI instead of regular FI. Of course, this is just my opinion. But if you don’t know why you’d want to slow down and make less money, if you don’t know what you’d do with that extra time, you might as well keep working the grind (to a degree; by all means, please don’t burn yourself out). You might as well keep exchanging your time for money until you figure out what else besides work you want to do with that time. You’d for sure get to financial independence faster that way.

But if you do know your why, what you’re working to gain financial freedom for, you may want to consider embracing more of a slow FI lifestyle. Maybe you want more time with your family. Maybe you have young kids or an elderly parent that you want to spend more time with now. Whatever it is for you, slow FI might allow you the freedom you need to fully explore your why and live your best life now.

Before I discovered slow FI, I was still on the hamster wheel, chasing all the wrong definitions of success, with no idea what really made me happy in life.

When I got off the hamster wheel, and took a pay-cut editor job that gave me so much more free time in my day than I’d ever had before, I started to realize I had all these passions outside of work I never knew I had. Slowly but surely, my work became no longer tied to my identity. I realized there was so much more to me, to who I really am, than my work and my job.

It was around this time I discovered slow FI, and since then, I have completely adopted this mindset, which has shaped my work goals and my financial independence goals.

How slow FI may shift your community

Since shifting from FI to slow FI, my community has changed in numerous ways. Sure, there are plenty of other factors that have caused my community to change, but I still think the central driving force has been my embracing of slow FI. 

You may lose people due to changing money habits

This is one I think everyone can relate to regardless of whether you’re on a regular FI or a slow FI path. When your goals shift in such a way that you are trying to save a big chunk of your money, and what’s left is reserved for necessities and things you truly value, spending habits, especially with friends and in your community, may change.

I feel as though I’ve heard stories like this on numerous blogs and podcasts in the FI space. As priorities shift, and spending is drastically changed, so too can your relationships change.

When I first really started to embrace FI, before my slow FI days, I was working constantly, going to play volleyball after work, and then going to bars with friends afterward. I realized that all of the money I spent going out in the evenings was really adding up. Even if I ate dinner beforehand or brought my own snacks, the beer or two plus tip added up during the week. I gradually stopped spending on going out as much, and then I stopped even going as much to avoid the temptation and (sadly) the awkwardness of being the only person not ordering something at the bar. As a result, I lost much of that community over time.

While parts of your community may fade due to new money habits, other parts may grow. You may find that one friend or family member notices these behavioral changes and wants to talk further about finances with you. By changing my behavioral patterns with money, I’ve had people approach me to talk about money topics that I never would have expected.

You may lose people due to “going against the grain”

Money aside, some people simply won’t understand this slow FI lifestyle (or even regular FI, for that matter) you’ve adopted, especially if it involves downshifting or working less. In my case, with a community that had known me for a long time before I started down a FI and then a slow FI journey, it was hard for some to adjust. First, when I was finally a Professor, making the most money I’d ever made in my life, some people didn’t understand why I didn’t inflate my lifestyle. And now, since I’m close to downshifting and moving to part-time work, some have a hard time understanding why I wouldn’t make more money if I could.

Some people simply won’t understand why you wouldn’t spend money if you have it or work a job that makes you a ton of money if you can.

Society has gotten very good at telling us what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and some people cannot understand why anyone would choose a different path than the one deemed “successful”.

It could also be the case where being around you, someone who is taking charge of their life and living with intention, will force others to take a hard look at their life. And maybe they don’t like what they see. Maybe they’d rather stay in their bubble, and not risk popping it by hanging out with you.

And who knows, maybe some people will surprise you. Maybe someone else has been wanting to go against the grain, to live their life differently, and you inspire them to do just that. This is another way your community could grow and evolve.

But most likely…

You’ll lose people because your interests will change

I embraced a slow FI lifestyle so I could let my interests roam more freely. I embraced a slow FI lifestyle because I wanted to make time for the interests I never even knew I had when I was either working or thinking about work all the time. And when I let my interests roam free, they led me to my “why”. They led me to a purpose for why I want to work less.

The more you find out who you are when you aren’t on the hamster wheel, what sparks you and makes you come alive, the more you’ll stretch toward things that bring joy and away from experiences that don’t.

And the more you stretch toward your why, toward your interests, the more your communities might change.

One of the newer interests that has come about for me is church. I go to church. Church has become a big part of my life. But, in the grand scheme of things, church is a relatively new component to my life, and I have friends that have known me since before I went to church. One friend I’ve had since graduate school couldn’t really handle it for whatever reason. And when she started to make fun of me to my face, showing me that she didn’t support an interest of mine, I started to pull away. She noticed, and instead of reaching out to see what was going on, she said goodbye to our friendship.

It was hard, but now I can see it was necessary. Sometimes you have to let go of the people or things that are holding you back from living your truest life. Sometimes, your community has to change and evolve.

As you start living life more intentionally and in line with your why, your community may change, but it will also open up to you in ways you never imagined.

I may have lost that one friend, but other friendships have since become even stronger. I also now have a strong church community. Because I’m living in alignment with my values, I’m able to give my all (or close to it) to the things I’ve intentionally chosen to pursue. I now have people in my life, in my community, telling me often how much they appreciate me, which feels great but also acts as a signal that lets me know that I am doing work that fulfills me, work that is aligned with my values.

And when you’re living in alignment with your values…

The universe may surprise you

One of my oldest friends, the one who lives above her means, the one we went vacationing with this summer, the one whose husband said “that’s not a professor’s car!” to me, has really surprised me on my slow FI journey.

As she’s the only friend I have left from when I was growing up, there’s obviously a lot of history there, but I thought for sure our friendship would fizzle out over time. We don’t have much in common. She always thought I would have kids and that our kids would be friends. She was always the one who would imply I was cheap. Once I found out I was not in fact cheap and actually frugal, thanks to Mrs. Frugalwoods’ blog, and started living in alignment with my goals and values and discovering financial independence, I started living my own life and stopped comparing myself to her.

But instead of us growing apart like I expected, we’ve only gotten closer. She calls me and asks me how I’m doing before she ever talks about herself. She doesn’t make fun of my money behavior anymore (I guess she finally learned I wasn’t going to change). In fact, we’ve actually been able to open up more about money than in the past. She shares some of her decision-making processes with me on new houses or properties, and we had to talk money when she asked Mr. Dink and I to be in line as caretakers of her twins if anything were to happen to her and her husband. We find ways of getting together that don’t make either of us feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t come camping with me, and I don’t go on big, fancy, spendy vacations with her. She has turned out to be a really good friend, even though we are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to money.

And finally, in these crazy times we are living in…

Fight for what you love

If there’s one particular community or one aspect of a community that is extra important to you, and you don’t want to lose it, don’t!

Sure, it takes effort. People are so busy these days, it’s hard to take the time to nurture a relationship. Some people may make it a little harder on you, like make you feel guilty for not keeping in better touch (but what are they doing to reciprocate, really?). There are plenty of obstacles, both legit and those in our heads, to maintaining relationships and community. But, especially if you’re embracing a slow FI lifestyle, you should have at least some time, room, and space to put in that effort.

I wrote a few weeks ago about the virtual baby shower I planned for my friend who was expecting her first child deep in COVID times. Did it take effort for me to plan? Sure. But I had made it a goal to throw this party for her, I was intentional about it, and I pulled it off. And the after effects were magical! We’ve only grown closer, and it sparked renewed friendships with several of the other attendees.

It can be worth it to put in a little extra effort when it comes to communities you don’t want to lose.

Closing thoughts

Now that I’ve finally gotten off the hamster wheel, I’ve had more time to spend figuring out what my goals, values, and interests are. As my interests have grown and evolved, my priorities have shifted. Work has become much less of a priority, and things like church, friendships, and family time have become much more important. As my priorities have shifted, so too has my community.

Even though I still don’t have all the time freedom I want (I’m currently still working happily in a 9-5 and hope to go down to part-time work eventually), I know what I’m working toward. The community I have built, the one that has formed out of my interests and priorities, sustains me, and I want to be even more involved with those communities once I have more time.

And the communities in my life may change again! In addition to the interests I’ve come to realize that I have now (church, working on this blog, etc.), I have a whole list of additional interests I may want to pursue (called my Financial Freedom List). As I experiment to see which of these interests will become fruitful and which ones won’t, some things may work out, and others may not. But that’s the beauty of it all. Communities, just like all things in life, can evolve and change.

When you start living your life by your standards, and not those of others, your life will change in ways you never expected. Some will be magical, others will be harder than you ever thought possible. But it’s your life. You deserve to live as your true, authentic self. And that’s what you can control. The rest, well, you’re just along for the ride. So enjoy it, fabulous readers. I dare you to enjoy the ride.

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How’s your community these days? Has it changed because of money? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you!