That is literally what someone, actually the husband of a good friend, said to me one day when I showed up to their house after getting my first big-time, adult Professor job. It was 2015. I had just gotten out of my 2002 Toyota Camry, which was given to me by my dad when I graduated from college in 2009, when I was greeted with this exclamation. “That’s not a professor’s car!” I was completely caught off guard by it. I had no idea how to respond, but I’m sure I just shrugged it off with something like “oh, I’m sure I’ll get a new car soon”. This experience, my friends, is a huge part of what’s wrong with our society!
In case you haven’t heard, we live in an incredibly capitalistic society. Everywhere we turn, stores and TV commercials and social media ads are trying to get us to look, to buy the new thing, to not be satisfied with what we have. Not to mention it’s only mid-October and I’m already seeing Christmas commercials. Have a cell phone that works perfectly fine? You’re going to want the newest model with the best possible camera (still can’t believe that’s a thing). Already have an Instant Pot? Well we’ve just created one that is now also an air fryer AND has a sous vide function (ok, maybe Mr. Dink and I fell into that trap, but we also gave our old Instant Pot to a neighbor in need…does that count?). Already have a car? How about one that can maintain your cruise control speed given the car in front of you and can automatically turn your high beams off for an oncoming car (just some of the features in newer cars that I’m only slightly envious of).
I consider myself to be pretty decent with money. I try to spend intentionally, and I’m always thinking about whether we actually need something before we buy it. And yet, I still have a hard time in the society we live in. I can’t even imagine how everyone else feels. Temptations are around every corner.
So of course my friend’s husband’s comment about my car gave me pause. Evil, unhelpful thoughts started swirling through my brain. Should I get a new car after all? Will my colleagues make fun of me for driving a 13-year-old car? Maybe I deserve a new car!
We’ve all been there…
Since then, there have been countless other experiences with countless other people who have commented on my lifestyle, because it goes against the grain. I’ve since gotten used to brushing these people’s comments off, but of course it wears on you sometimes.
Looking back on the situation, there were three main mindsets I had to avoid to keep this comment from getting under my skin, let alone to keep from going out and buying a new car. Let’s break them down.
Don’t keep up with the Joneses
“Keeping up with the Joneses” is a major factor companies are banking on. The society we live in, where we are all online and constantly comparing ourselves to one another on social media, is an advertiser’s dream. It is so easy to take advantage of us these days, and companies do. I particularly loathe the commercials that put it right out there, front and center, and have two neighbors standing on their perfectly manicured lawns comparing car features or insurance features or loan features. We all want to be able to one-up each other, and companies are exploiting that fact to make themselves richer.
Now, this friend and her husband who made the car comment (along with their 2 kids) are very well off. Actually, I don’t know that for sure, but I do know that they like to spend money. They have at least definitely succumbed to the lifestyle inflation that is the norm in our society. They have upgraded their house multiple times, ultimately building a mini mansion in a new development. Since they built that house, they have purchased additional homes in Florida, bought a boat, built an in-ground pool, the list goes on. It seems that every time I talk to my friend, they are building another house or getting another new car or going on another trip overseas.
It would be so easy for me to want those things too. In fact, the way our society is built, I often get the sense that my friend wants me to want what she has. But the funny thing is, I don’t want those things. More specifically, I don’t want those things in a way that makes me feel lesser about myself. That makes me want to go out and buy something shiny and new. Because I know what I value and what’s important to me, I can stop myself from getting caught up in the comparison trap. It’s not always easy (sure, sometimes I think I’d love to take a trip to Paris). There are times where that part of me wants to fit in with society, wants my friends to think highly of me, with a shiny new car to match my shiny new job title.
So how do I overcome those thoughts to avoid keeping up with the Joneses? I remember my why. I keep my goals, including my financial independence goals as well as my work-related goals, front of mind. I have done so much work to align my life with my values, and I just have to remember that. I remind myself that I don’t want what they want. Everyone has different definitions of happiness and success. In this specific situation, I knew that a new car may make me “feel” more successful, but it wouldn’t be my definition of success. A new car would not make me happier according to my definition of happiness.
Don’t doubt yourself
If this scenario had happened to me now, I would be good to go. I’m so much more confident in my lifestyle now that the comment about my car wouldn’t have affected me at all.
But at the time this happened, I was only just starting to scratch the surface of who I would become. I was still on the hamster wheel, trying to climb the “success” ladder (by society’s definition).
And I was only just starting my financial independence journey. I was beginning to learn, thanks to my newly discovered fascination with The Frugalwoods blog, that I was frugal and not cheap, something I’d had a lot of shame about growing up. I was also starting to learn about financial independence and how much it aligned with my lifestyle.
Add to that my upbringing when it came to money and purchasing cars. My dad not only taught me how to budget but also modeled car buying for me. In this regard, my parents were very different. My mom always wanted a new car after a few years. She would always say it was because she wanted to feel safe on the road, and that’s what a new car did for her. I’m sure there was more to the story (perhaps a spoonful of society’s definition of success). But my dad was the complete opposite when it came to cars. I can remember him having at least six different cars when I was growing up. I’d go with him to look at used cars, and he’d tell me what to look for (and what to look out for) when buying used. For one car in particular, he even took me with him to the bank, where he took out $1k, and I later watched him hand it to a man who gave him a car in return. I was fascinated (I was probably 10-12 at the time). He always bought with cash, and then he’d sell the car when he was done in the same way and get a new one.
All this to say, I knew in the moment when my friend’s husband said “that’s not a professor’s car” that I didn’t, in fact, actually need a new car.
What I needed to do instead was not doubt myself. Not doubt the lessons I had learned about financial independence. And certainly not doubt the fact that I am in charge of my own life and the decisions I make about how I spend my money.
Don’t spend just because you have the money
More than half of Americans live paycheck to paycheck. Most of us know this or have heard this stat before. But what is particularly interesting to me is the fact that this includes 30% of those earning more than $250,000. That’s right, 30% of people making more than $250K live paycheck to paycheck (at least according to the article linked above). Honestly, it’s not too surprising given the society we live in (not to mention the lifestyle my boss implies that she has).
The default is that as we earn more, we spend more. We inflate our lifestyles. We do it for many reasons, I’m sure. To keep up with the Joneses. Because we “deserve” it. But I think mostly it comes down to the fact that we don’t know what we really want, what really makes us happy, what really sparks joy.
At the time I heard this comment about my car, I didn’t know my why. I didn’t know what made me happy, made me come alive. I just knew, somewhere deep down, that spending my hard-earned money on a new car wouldn’t make me happy.
I may have had the money, I may have been one of the lucky ones easily able to afford a car payment. But I knew that a new car would put me behind on my goals. I was striving to reach financial independence, and I knew that buying a new car and keeping my money tied up in a car payment instead of working for me in the stock market would slow me down. I knew that buying a new car would give me an astronomical monthly payment that I didn’t want or need. At the time, my Toyota Camry ran perfectly fine, and I planned to run her into the ground (which I ultimately did. RIP my beloved Camry!).
Don’t get me wrong. If a new car is something you really want, if it’s aligned with your values and you can afford it, by all means, do whatever you please. Everyone’s personal finance journey is just that – personal. But I think too many people are worried about keeping up with the Jones’, keeping appearances to be seen as “successful” in society’s eyes, and don’t think too much about what they actually want from life.
Figure out what you want, what will make you happy, what your “enough” is, and then don’t let anyone tell you anything otherwise.
What do you think? Have you ever had a similar experience? How do you shake off comments like this? Let me know in the comments!