Large purchases have always been tough for me, especially on things I want but don’t really need. I have made leaps and bounds when it comes to spending in all different categories, but I’m here today to tackle the topic of spending on bucket list items.
If you’ve read my story or my first money memory, you know that I have always been a saver, have always been frugal, and have always had more of a scarcity mindset. Spending on things that I consider extravagant has always been really difficult for me.
It wasn’t until recently that I started to make some big headway on this. I give a lot of credit to my husband. We’ve talked openly about money from very early on in our relationship. I quickly learned that while I tend to have a scarcity mindset when it comes to money, he has one of abundance.
You may think that this would be a recipe for disaster, and I think it could be in a lot of situations, but as it turns out, we are actually what I consider a perfect match for one another. I help him avoid spending mindlessly or impulsively. And, on the flip side, he has helped me avoid having crippling anxiety whenever I think about spending money. He has helped me see that life is short, and responsible spending can be a great thing.
We are doing just fine financially. I have hit Coast FI (having enough saved in investments so that it will cover retirement at a traditional age), and we are all about finding joy on the journey to financial independence. We’re in no rush to hit FI, and we strive to structure our life and days in such a way that we don’t feel the need to escape. So, if that means spending a little bit more than I would normally have felt comfortable with (ie, nothing), that’s typically what we do now.
For example, we recently bought a used fishing boat. My innate reaction was to resist and protest the cost, since we didn’t need a fishing boat. But as I wrote in a previous post, we could easily afford it, and it has ended up bringing us so much joy this summer. And ultimately, that’s what we’re all about!
I have also gotten a lot better with intentional spending; I recently wrote a post about how I have added two recurring purchases that have brought me joy and bought me more time: 1) hiring a bi-weekly cleaning person, and 2) paying for a monthly massage.
Enter: Bucket List Items
However, while I’ve made leaps and bounds when it comes to spending, there has still been one area where I continue to feel a bit squirrely, and that is on bucket list items. I think my resistance comes from two key points: bucket list items are typically 1) expensive and 2) wants and not needs.
I’m sure everyone defines a bucket list a little bit differently; for me, it’s simply the life experiences I want to have before I die. It’s also different from my Financial Freedom List, which is my list of things and experiences I want to pursue/explore further when I gain more time freedom.
I can honestly say that before the example I’m about to share, I had never really made an intentional bucket list purchase. Sure, there are things that I’ve done that I would now say were a bucket list item, like getting to go to Scotland and Wales, but that was a trip that was my mom’s idea, and she paid for most of it.
Here, I’m talking about intentionally spending on a bucket list item, meaning that it’s something you have given thought to doing, and you take the initiative to purchase the trip, thing, or experience. You yourself are experiencing all the excitement and emotions that go into this spending decision.
One of these experiences presented itself to me in 2019.
I saw that there was a writing workshop being put on by Cheryl Strayed (the author of one of my favorite books, Wild, as well as the co-host of one of my favorite podcasts, Dear Sugar) at Kripalu, a well-known yoga retreat center in Massachusetts. I had always wanted to go to Kripalu, I had always wanted to do a writing retreat, and Cheryl Strayed is one of my favorite authors and artists. I knew immediately that this was a once-in-a-lifetime, bucket list experience and absolutely something I wanted to spend money on.
It just so happened that Cheryl Strayed was the favorite author of my accountability partner (and one of my best friends), who also has writing goals of her own. Naturally, I asked her if she would come with me.
Planning a Bucket List Experience
The planning phase of our trip took some time, and there were some speed bumps along they way.
Making Decisions
The first thing we had to do was decide if this was really something we wanted to spend money on. I could see this going a number of different ways depending on each individual’s situation, but as I alluded to above, we quickly decided this was one of those bucket list-type trips that we would pay nearly any amount of reasonable money for.
Then, we had to decide about our accommodations. This was slightly trickier since Kripalu has several options, including everything from the cheapest option of a shared room with a shared hall (dorm style) bathroom to the most expensive option of each having our own private rooms with our own private bathrooms. As you can imagine, the prices also varied widely. Ultimately, we decided we didn’t need our own rooms (the highest possible cost), and we could handle a hall bathroom (shared with many other guests) for the cost savings it would allow us (keeping in mind my friend also had to purchase airline tickets).
Important note: things can change, so being prepared to be flexible is key. This is a lesson I took away from the experience, that I did not necessarily have going in, that I will take forward with me when thinking about other future bucket list purchases.
Case in point: after deciding we wanted to go, and figuring out what kind of accommodations we wanted, we called only to find out they were already full and we were being put on the waiting list. Sigh. Such is life. But, just as I had about given up hope that this would happen, we got the call! We were off the waiting list! Key takeaway: be prepared for an emotional roller coaster. Not just one, but potentially many because…
The retreat was scheduled for April of 2020, so you can probably guess what happened next. The world shut down, everything shut down, and everyone retreated inside. Kripalu closed its doors. The retreat was first pushed back to November 2020 and then ultimately cancelled.
I figured that was it. I wasn’t convinced retreat centers would recover. I certainly wasn’t convinced Cheryl Strayed would want to host a retreat anytime soon.
But in December of 2021, just over two years since we had originally booked the trip, we got the email. Cheryl would be back at Kripalu, and as previous registrants of the workshop, we were the first to get the chance to rebook!
We didn’t hesitate this time. But the one thing we did change? Although we decided to keep our shared room, we made the choice to upgrade so that we’d have our own private bathroom (thank you, COVID-19, for making me squirrelly about shared bathrooms). But it was a no-brainer for us. We had already paid the original amount (Kripalu had kept our original payment as a credit, and we were ok with that in hopes that this retreat would end up happening, which it did!), and so all we had to pay was the new amount for our own bathroom.
What we spent (each):
- Original cost: $395 (Cheryl workshop price) + $272 (accommodations: shared room with hall bath) = $667
- New cost: $395 (Cheryl workshop price) + $495 (accommodations: shared room with private bath) = $890
Yes, we spent an extra $223 each on a private bathroom, and no, we don’t regret it at all. My brain told me it was ridiculous, but it was so worth it for the peace of mind in exchange (side note: neither one of us contracted COVID-19 from the retreat. Was it because of the bathrooms? I like to tell myself so).
Enjoying a Bucket List Experience
The trip is planned; now, all that’s left to do is enjoy it! Right?
As this once-in-a-lifetime, almost-didn’t-happen trip got closer, I found that all-too-familiar doubt start to creep in. I started to hear that annoying voice in my head asking me all kinds of potentially trip-ruining questions. Is this trip going to be worth it for all the money I spent? Will we have a good time? Will we even meet Cheryl, or will there be a million people there all vying for her attention? Will I sleep ok in a twin bed in a shared room?
I don’t know if you, dear reader, relate to any of these feelings, but on the off chance that you do, I’m here to tell you some of the things that helped me get through it so that I could enjoy the hell out of my trip.
Lowering Expectations
I know this may not sound glamorous and is borderline depressing, but I promise it is true. I would almost argue that if you have such high expectations that you KNOW you will be disappointed and regret spending the money, don’t even go in the first place.
The thoughts I mentioned above stayed with me through even the first day of the trip. We had checked in, and we had some free time before our first session with Cheryl. We decided to try to walk down to the beach. The signage was not great, we were finding that it wasn’t straightforward to get to, and it seemed like it was potentially too far to make it all the way down to the beach and back and not be late. As we were walking, my negative thoughts were spiraling out of control. To the point that I realized I wasn’t even present or listening to what my friend was saying.
I decided right then and there that that was it. The thoughts may not be going away, but I didn’t have to listen to them or give them my attention (thank you meditation!). I decided I was going to be open to whatever happened. I decided to give in to the present moment. Besides, what was the alternative, leaving and wasting all that money? Ridiculous.
By lowering my expectations, or (said another way) allowing myself to be open to the experience, I started to relax (yoga also helped).
Ultimately, some of my initial fears were right; we didn’t get to actually interact personally with Cheryl (in retrospect, this seems obvious). And yes, there were what felt like tons of people. But the experience was still incredible. I got to connect with strangers in a way I never expected. We had to share our writing with these strangers, which was super intimidating and scary at first, but ended up being my favorite part. And bonus? We did get to meet Cheryl on the last day! My friend just happened to notice her in the hallway about to come out of the workshop room, and we went up to her and told her what a good time we had. It was fabulous, but the best part for me was seeing how happy my friend was to get to meet her favorite author in person.
Being open to the experience also helped when I tweaked my knee during the Saturday morning yoga session. It hurt like hell, and I was having trouble going up and down stairs (there are a lot of stairs at Kripalu). I could have let this derail me and my negative thoughts, but it didn’t because (I believe) I was open to the experience. I listened to my body. What did it need? It needed to skip the lunchtime yoga session and go to the meditation garden. I sat there, I journaled, I listened to the birds and watched the trees sway, and I had a great time. And my knee hurting didn’t interfere with my ability to sit and listen to Cheryl and write, which I was ultimately there to do.
We can’t expect for everything to go our way, to go perfectly, even when on bucket list trips we spent a lot of money on. When we have too many expectations, at least for me, it’s a recipe for disaster and disappointment.
Spending Reasonably
Another way I was able to control those negative thoughts was by reminding myself that I spent reasonably on this trip. I didn’t go into debt. I didn’t sacrifice another goal. I was able to comfortably afford this bucket list experience.
Ultimately, we chose a spending option that worked for us and our budgets. We didn’t opt in for the most expensive option of having our own rooms, and yet we splurged a bit by having our own private bathroom. Even though my friend had to purchase airline tickets, I was able to pick her up from the airport and drive us to the retreat, saving on potentially additional transportation costs.
This trip happened to provide all meals, but in the past when I have taken trips, one easy way I have found to maintain reasonable spending is to find accommodations that include a kitchen or kitchenette. Being able to cook some meals “at home” and not go out to eat for each and every meal really helps with the extra spending that occurs while you’re actually on the trip (eg, after you’ve purchased your accommodations, flights, etc.). Bonus: I’ve also found that not eating every meal out helps me and my tummy feel better and more healthy when I’m traveling!
Linking to Goals & Values
Finally, I think that if a bucket list experience is tied to your goals and values, you are setting yourself up for success before you even embark on your adventure.
Recently, I helped my mom decide not to spend on a bucket list item. Yes, you read that right! Stay with me. She had the opportunity to go to Hawaii, a bucket list place for her, with some of her siblings. Two things were holding her back and making her hesitate: 1) she had just retired, and was worried with the way the markets are sitting currently (gulp) that she couldn’t (or maybe shouldn’t) afford it; and 2) she was worried she wouldn’t be able to do many of the activities she wanted to do because of her siblings. She had recently taken a trip with them, and she realized that as her siblings were getting older, they stopped wanting to do more of the adventurous activities my mom liked to do. She realized, after some encouragement from me, that going to Hawaii at this time and under these specific circumstances was not quite aligned with what she valued and how she wanted to spend her time (or money). I was really proud of her, because it’s hard to pass up a bucket list item! I told her if she really wanted to go, she’d make it happen, but under her terms.
In the past few years, some of my bigger goals and values have been to write more frequently, spend more time with family and friends, and do more yoga and meditation. This Kripalu bucket list trip was so aligned with these goals and their underlying values I almost couldn’t even believe it. It made it so much easier to say yes with my whole body, and be comfortable spending my hard earned money!
Closing Thoughts
If you are someone who is able to spend without guilt on your bucket list items, kudos to you. I am envious, and you should be super proud that you’ve figured that out for yourself! But if you’re like me, and it can be really difficult to spend money on things you want but don’t need, I hope this post gave you perspective from someone who shares some of your fears, made you realize you’re not alone, and maybe even got you thinking about what you can do to make it easier emotionally on yourself.
What’s on your bucket list? Have you checked anything off recently? Do you also struggle with spending on big ticket experiences? I’d love to hear from you!