It seems that any personal finance blog these days isn’t complete without the telling of the first money memory. Well, I’m here today to tell you mine!
There’s a widely held belief that your first and earliest money memories tell you a lot about how you are with money now. I listened to a podcast recently that talked about how freeing it can be to reflect on your first money memory.
If you Google first money memory, you may come across dramatic headlines like “Your First Money Memories May Dictate Your Entire Financial Future” or “How Your Childhood Money Memories Could Be Helping – Or Hurting”. While I don’t think it needs to be that dramatic, I am a big proponent of curiosity and awareness when it comes to your own personal (or financial, professional, etc.) life. Have you ever taken the time to think about your relationship with money from a young age, and how that may have affected how you view and feel about money now? You may be surprised by what you discover!
My first money memory is still crystal clear, even to this day.
I’m sure there were other experiences that came before this one, but this particular memory is always the very first that comes to mind.
My little family of 4 – enter Mom, Dad, and younger brother – were driving from New Hampshire, where I grew up, to a mini vacation on the coast of Maine. My best guess is that I was about 8 years old at the time.
Our family drove together A LOT. Any time we took a vacation, we were driving, not flying. My Dad pretty much always drove, my Mom was almost always the front-seat passenger, with me and my brother in the back seat.
It was summertime – we were going to the beach, and it was a beautiful day.
At some point along the 1+ hour drive, my parents told my brother and me that we were going to get some “fun money” to spend while we were on vacation.
We could spend it on whatever we wanted, anything at all, but once it was gone, there would be no more.
After my mom had sufficiently set the stage for this fun money, she handed each of us a crisp, 20-dollar bill.
At this point in life, I don’t think my brother and I had ever had an allowance, but I don’t remember for sure. If you’ve read my story, you know I grew up in a pretty solid middle-income family. We didn’t live extravagantly by any means or have a lot of things (eg, we took low-key vacations where we could drive, we always brought our own snacks to movie theaters, we were not lavish spenders, etc.). But I never lacked for anything or felt like we were poor or couldn’t afford necessities. If we needed lunch money, new school clothes, an “essential” item, there was no question.
But my parents always took care of this stuff for us. My point here is that having my very own money in my very own hand was a big deal. I don’t think I had ever even seen or comprehended a 20-dollar bill, like, ever up to this point.
I held it in my hands. I thought about what I could spend it on – a touristy sweatshirt, a beach towel, something I could show off to my friends.
My brother, 2.5 years younger and much more adventurous than me, shrieked with excitement. He played with it, rolling it around like it was an airplane, making rocket noises with his mouth.
To my horror, he then rolled down the window on that beautiful day, held on tight, and stuck his precious 20-dollar bill out the window, admiring how it flapped in the breeze.
I remember it so clearly – him grinning with glee as he made airplane noises while clutching his 20-dollar bill as it flapped in the wind.
And then, in the blink of an eye. You guessed it. POOF – just like that, it was gone, flung from his tiny grasp.
His eyes got wider than I have ever seen.
I’m sure I likely tattled: Moooom, Ben’s 20 dollars just went flying out the window. She couldn’t believe it. Why would you do that?! she cried to my brother. I’m sorry! I was just having fun! my brother exclaimed back. Can’t I have another 20-dollar bill??
My mom didn’t even bat an eye (she was always the tough-love parent). Without skipping a beat, she responded Sorry hun, like I said, that was your fun money, and once it’s gone, it’s gone.
And here, let my brother’s whining and pouting commence…
Did he get a new 20-dollar bill eventually? Probably…I honestly don’t even remember. But when I’m prompted to think of my first money memory, I think of this, and it all makes sense.
What that moment showed me is that if I wasn’t careful with my money, if I didn’t protect it and treat it seriously, it could be gone in a flash.
No wonder I have always been obsessed with saving. No wonder I was able to save 95% of my $5,000 summer stipend in college. No wonder I felt crazy being the only one of my friends who didn’t want to go shopping for hours and spend money (let alone on things I didn’t want or need). No wonder it took me forever to get the courage up to invest in the stock market, even though I had read and done tons of research. My first money memory was watching my brother, in one instant, go from pure delight at receiving more money than we had ever had at one time to the pure horror of losing it, having never gotten to spend it.
The podcast I listened to recently was right – it was freeing to remember and reflect on my first money memory. It gave me so much clarity and insight into my relationship with money.
I know that I’m responsible and am not going to carelessly throw my money away, but I always have this feeling of fear in the back of my mind, because of something that happened to me when I didn’t understand a whole lot about the world.
I can use this knowledge when I’m stuck in a pattern of saving, hoarding my money for a time when I might need it. (If you’ve listened to me share my financial numbers on the podcast Martinis and Your Money, you know that I tend to hold on to too much cash).
My first money memory provides a sort of window into my financial tendencies, but it can also be a way to shake me out of these tendencies and help me to see the bigger picture.
This mindset has helped me start to spend more, but on the things I value most. I have come such a long way with intentional spending, as I wrote about last week. I hated spending money on things I didn’t think I needed.
Now, I have a house cleaner who comes every other week, and it frees up my time to do other things I truly love and that serve my soul. I get a massage once a month because it is something I truly love, it brings me so much joy, it’s good for my body, and it fulfills something spiritual for me.
What was your first money memory, and how does it reflect your relationship with money now? I’d love to hear from you!