One topic I’ve witnessed many bloggers in the financial independence (FI) space discuss at one point or another is how financial freedom, and especially having “F-You” money, can help get you out of a bad situation.
They write about it as one of the many ways that having extra money in the bank is beneficial. Today, I’m sharing a recent personal story in which the financial freedom I’ve gained so far on my journey helped me get out of a bad situation at work.
One of the first places I read about the concept of F-You money was on J.L. Collins’ blog, who is also the author of one of my favorite personal finance books, The Simple Path to Wealth. He writes that the most important thing F-You money gives you is freedom. Freedom to be able to step away from a situation that’s not serving you, whatever the reason may be. He describes F-You money as the amount of money needed to be saved in order to make someone able to say “F-You” if needed.
Everyone interprets F-You money a little differently. But that’s the beauty of personal finance – it’s personal! I would say that although the amount of money used to represent F-You money might differ among each individual in the personal finance community, the sentiment is the same. I think most would agree that F-You money, at its foundation, allows you to walk away from a bad situation.
The way I’ve always thought about F-You money is particularly in regard to the peace of mind it brings. Having some amount of money squared away, whatever amount is comfortable for you, gives you at least some breathing room, some sense of security.
In this sense, F-You money might mean you can get out of a bad relationship because you have enough money to support yourself while you figure things out. It might mean you can leave a toxic job without another one lined up because you have enough money saved to get you by while you look for an alternative. It might mean you can set boundaries with a difficult family member because you don’t rely on their money to support you.
Something happened to me at work recently that made me think of this aspect of the FI journey, the power of F-You money. It helped me get out of a bad situation. I thought I would share the details with you, my readers, in case it’s helpful in thinking about the different ways our financial freedom and stability can help us along our FI journeys.
The backstory
As many of my readers know, over a year ago now, I started a new job.
I wasn’t necessarily looking for or desperate for a new job. Some red flags had just started popping up at my old job, and so I started casually looking to see if I could find a better fit. At that point in my career, I knew exactly what I wanted and was looking for in a role, so I could be clear and direct when I interviewed and spoke with hiring teams.
From my very first phone call with this company I now work for, I made it very clear what I wanted. Among many things, I wanted to stay an individual contributor, and I wanted to have minimal client interaction. They were completely receptive to this (unlike many of the other companies I talked to). In fact, they even had a career track dedicated specifically to people like me who wanted to stay individual contributors and have little client interaction. It seemed like a no brainer (especially because they were also going to pay me more). I made the switch.
The bad situation
In the beginning, everything was going great at this new job. I had a supportive manager, who had also been part of the interview/hiring process, so she was aware of my career goals and what I wanted my role to be like.
But early in 2024, the work started to slow down on the account I was on, and the company decided to move me to a new team.
Right from the get-go, I could tell that this new team was going to be much different. That was no big surprise overall, as this had happened to me several times at previous companies. But in addition to the differences, there were also some glaring red flags right from the start. First of all, I noticed immediately that the culture on this new team was not just different, but cold. There was this sort of underlying “sink or swim” mentality. There was very little support, and no one seemed to talk to each other. There were no weekly meetings or consistent check-ins, so everyone seemed to be on different pages, communication was lackluster at best. Balls were being dropped left and right, sometimes noticed by the clients (who were not happy about it). Second, the person who I was going to work most closely with was a bit of a micromanager. He gave me practically no guidance but then would nitpick the littlest things. Finally, and perhaps most important, I started to notice that there were very different expectations/different ways of working from the writers on this team. Writers below my level were regularly leading projects and client calls (which is fine, just not something that is expected or that I wanted to do). I knew instantly in my body that this new team might not be such a good fit for the type of work I was looking to do or the role I was looking to have.
As I continued to work on this new team, it also became clear that no one besides my manager knew about my career preferences, and so I’d have to start setting boundaries all over again.
I had conversations with my manager during our biweekly meetings about some of my concerns with this new team. She was incredibly supportive, reassured me I did not have to lead client meetings, and even offered to talk to my new teammate about my career goals and preferences. She did, and so he learned that my preferences were to lead content development and not client calls. I could tell he was receptive, because we would talk about it also in our weekly meetings. He even shared that he had considered taking my same role (content development only, little client interaction) when he joined the company.
I felt I had done everything I could to try to make my new team into a good working environment, to try to maintain my career goals while setting healthy boundaries, and yet the bad situation still happened.
I don’t pretend to know my colleague’s intentions or true motives, but after having those conversations with me where he said he was clear on what I wanted and that he would take the lead on client calls, he still threw me under the bus. During a client meeting, with absolutely no warning or heads up, he asked me to lead the meeting on the spot. And when I say ask, I don’t really mean ask. I mean he said “she will now be leading the meeting.”
I was completely taken aback. Have I led client calls before? Sure. But do I enjoy doing it? No, which is why I’d been crystal clear about my preferences (and I can be, because I have F-You money). Of course, there are always some situations where I may still have to lead a meeting (I led one just this week, in fact). I’m fine with that. But if I’m going to be leading a meeting, I’m going to prepare differently. So to be thrown under the bus like that, I did not appreciate.
Perhaps I learned a valuable lesson, which is to always be prepared no matter what. But I think the more important lesson I learned is that people do not always do good things, and I have to trust myself more and others less. I have to always have my own back, knowing that others likely won’t.
Overall, I think I handled the situation well. Don’t get me wrong, I was still furious about it all. But the old me would have also panicked, and I didn’t panic. I’m sure partly my response was because of experience, and I’m just so much more used to this industry and the way of doing things than I used to be. So the stress and anxiety the situation produced wasn’t crippling like it would have been when I was just starting out.
But another huge part of my calmer-than-usual response was because of my financial security. Because I knew I didn’t need this job to support myself and my family (because I have F-You money), I acted completely differently than I would have without F-You money.
If I needed this job, I would have considered this situation an absolute disaster. I would have felt so badly that the clients left the meeting very unhappy (which they did). I would have done everything in my power to make it right, to make the clients happy, to make my colleague happy. I would have done it at the sacrifice of my time, my happiness, and my stress and anxiety levels.
Instead, mostly out of spite/to prove a point, I let the “bad” client call happen, and then I went directly to my manager. I told her there was a problem, and I needed her help to solve it. I approached it with vulnerability. I didn’t blame anyone. I just told her the situation, that what I was being asked to do wasn’t aligned with my goals in this job, and that my situation needed to change. I didn’t threaten to quit, but she read between the lines so that I didn’t eve have to say it.
And guess what people? She fixed the problem.
In fact, not only did she fix the problem, but she did so WAY more quickly than I expected. Honestly, I didn’t expect too much to change. I figured I would see what would come of my complaint, and then decide whether I wanted to stay in this environment (aka job) or not.
But to my surprise (and delight), changes were made, and they were made FAST. They brought someone else in to help lead the project I was working on from a client management perspective. I ultimately got just what I wanted – I could focus solely on creating the content, and my new colleague was responsible for leading the client meetings. And as an added bonus, this new colleague has been an absolute pleasure to work with, basically night and day from the previous colleague who threw me under the bus.
In addition, senior leadership (those above my manager), met with me to APOLOGIZE and to learn exactly what I was looking for so that the situation wouldn’t happen again. To say I was shocked by this is an understatement!
The power of F-You money
Because I have F-You money, I don’t need this job. Because I don’t need this job, I don’t have to put up with situations that don’t work for me. Because I don’t have to put up with bad situations, I can be bold and ask for what I want. In this case, I figured I didn’t have that much to lose (a job I was already feeling pretty “meg” about), but I had a whole lot to potentially gain (aka, better working conditions).
Did I feel a little bit weird that I essentially “tattled” on that colleague who threw me under the bus? Sure, but “tattle” is almost my own word there. I didn’t really tattle. Instead, I professionally reframed, explaining the situation calmly and confidently to my manager without blaming or whining.
And were the next few interactions with said colleague a little awkward? Sure.
But ultimately, my decision to go to my manager with my concerns was SO worth it. Things went back to normal with said colleague (aka, no more awkwardness). My stress levels are back down. I’m (somewhat) enjoying my work again. And I have another new colleague who I actually like working with (something that’s been hard to come by at this company).
This experience was a great reminder for me that WE are in charge of our own lives. WE are the only ones who are going to look out for ourselves, who are going to impart change in our lives. And financial freedom and security only give us MORE confidence to be the drivers of our own situations.
In this personal case study, what was the worst case scenario? That I would get fired? First of all, I learned that this was unlikely, as I have been a high performer and my manager had my back. And secondly, I’d already decided I didn’t need this job and so “getting fired” was on the table and something I was ok with taking a chance on.
The more likely worst case scenario was that they wouldn’t respond well to my concerns, and I would be forced to “get on board” with how things are, or quit over the situation.
Honestly, both of these worst case scenarios would have been A-OK with me because of the financial security I have gained on my journey. I decided I had to stand up for myself in the case of this bad situation, regardless of the outcome. Because no one else was going to do it for me. And because I didn’t want to work in that environment. The worst case scenarios were worth the risk. At this point in my financial journey, I am simply choosing to refuse to put up with ridiculousness at work. And thanks to FI, I don’t have to.
Final thoughts
There’s one more important component to this case study I’d like to discuss. My job has become something I’m willing to risk losing not only because of having F-You money, but also because my job is not tied to my identity.
If my job was tied to my identity, I might not have approached my manager for fear of retaliation. I might have sucked it up and kept all the stress and anxiety bottled up inside.
And so if this is you, if you really care about your job, this post might not resonate as much, and that’s ok. There are plenty of other ways F-You money can help you get out of a bad situation apart from work. And I still think it’s healthy to speak up when something isn’t aligned for you, whether at work or elsewhere in life.
But for me, in this personal case study, perhaps it was even easier to speak up because my job is just my job. I no longer have any skin in the game because I’m consciously choosing this for myself right now. This is a choice I’ve decided to make for now because I’m not super happy in my new job. I don’t have much of a sense of purpose in my job. I’m not thrilled with the work I’m doing currently in my job. And so I keep the mindset that my job is just my job, so that I can go out and feel purpose in other aspects of my life. For example, I recently went down to an 80% work schedule so that I could make time for hospice volunteering.
However, this isn’t a choice I see myself always making. If I’m being honest, I want a little more skin in the game when it comes to my work. I want to care a little bit more. Don’t we all? Although I don’t want my job to be my identity, I would love to care a little bit more about the work I do on a daily basis. This is a big reason why I went to 80%, why I still have goals to try to get on a new team at work, and why I may potentially shift to freelance status if I can’t make work “work” for me.
But in the meantime, I’ll continue to use my financial freedom to help me set good boundaries and get out of bad situations at work. Because oh, the power F-You money will bring you at work, if you care just a little bit less.
What about you? Have you ever used the power of having F-You money to get out of a bad situation? I’d love to hear about it!