As some of you know, I was a speaker at the 2024 Slow FI Retreat, hosted by the Fioneers in early October. I had such an amazing time, for so many reasons. For starters, it was my first in-person FI event, something I had looked forward to for a long time. Meeting other like-minded folks with similar values when it comes to money is completely underrated. Even though I knew it would be wonderful, the impact of this still exceeded my expectations.
But what I want to talk about today is a topic that came up a lot at the Slow FI retreat: purpose. I finally got to meet Jordan Grumet (Doc G) at this retreat. Jordan is someone I have been following for quite some time now and whose ideas and beliefs around the topic of purpose have really resonated with me throughout my financial independence journey. He has a new book out on the topic as well, and I can’t wait to read it. Today on the blog, I’ll tell you more about some of Jordan’s thoughts around purpose, as well as share some of my own. I hope you’ll read on!
Jordan talks and writes a lot about how purpose has gotten a bad reputation over the years, and I tend to agree. So many people experience something called purpose anxiety. People tend to get anxious when they think about their purpose in life: this big lofty goal that feels impossible, way out of reach. Or, perhaps the goal is something achievable but so profound that it often takes immense sacrifice to get there. Jordan says he meets someone with purpose anxiety almost every time he gives a talk on purpose.
But Jordan also argues that we’re thinking about purpose all wrong. Instead of thinking about purpose as “big P” Purpose, which often leads to purpose anxiety and giving up on purpose completely, he argues that we need to think about it more along the lines of “little p” purpose.
Purpose doesn’t have to be ending world hunger, solving world peace, or becoming President (although it certainly can be for a select few). Our purpose shouldn’t be so unobtainable that we become overwhelmed and throw in the towel. Purpose, Jordan urges, can be found in the (perhaps) small things that we do every day that bring us true joy and happiness. As long as these small actions light us up, and sometimes even get us into a “flow” state, they can be considered purposeful. And the ripple effects they may create make it so that they may not even be considered “small” things in the grand scheme of life. You may even be able to leave a legacy from simply pursuing “little p” purpose.
What if your visiting a nursing home once a week to bring some cheer and light conversation makes even just one resident feel less lonely? What if your singing in the church choir every week reminds someone of the granddaughter they never get to see who lives across the country and they rarely see? What if your heading to the gym every Thursday at 4:00 is unknowingly noticed by another gym goer and helps give them accountability?
The truth is, our purpose doesn’t have to be big and life changing to be important and impactful. This is what Jordan believes, and I have really come around on this myself. The idea/concept was pretty foreign to me at first, I think mostly because we’re led to believe by society and our consumerist culture that we have to have some big purpose, that we have to contribute to the world in these huge media-worthy ways. Or else, what a waste our lives have been!
But Jordan is shattering this narrative with his content and his new book, and I’m in total support. I’ve seen first hand the ripple effects that come from small actions. I’ve come to truly believe that as long as we’re all doing what lights us up inside, there’s no way we can go wrong. Not only are we helping ourselves first by doing things that light us up and not burning out worrying about impressing everyone else, which makes us happier and healthier. But by living in this way, we are inevitably making things better around us. I believe that when we are living in a way that lights us up, we can’t help but be beacons of light to those around us. We are setting good examples. We are inspiring others to live their lives in the same way. We are unknowingly helping and impacting others. All by doing the little things that make us happy.
But you see, not everyone is living their “little p” purpose. I would argue not even many are. Now that I have officially drunk the purpose Kool-Aid, I’m all about sharing this knowledge and getting others to drop the purpose anxiety and start living their best lives now. And I believe we can all start doing that by living into our little p purposes, figuring out what lights us up, and doing that!
For starters, think about little p purpose as something you can do every day. You don’t have to do it every day, but you could. Your little p purpose could be as small as smiling at everyone you make eye contact with in the grocery store. Or finally signing up for that basketball league you’ve always wanted to join. Or making coffee at the office if you like making coffee (and you still work in an office). Or giving rides to people in need if you’re retired and like to drive and chat with people in your community. Or picking up a hobby like knitting that you’ve been putting off until you have more time. Think, what small thing can I do to make a difference today? And then, can I strive for that every day? As Jordan suggests, instead of thinking, “I want to be _____”, try thinking “I want to have _____ impact.”
And remember, you don’t need to have just one purpose. Your goal should be living a life filled with “little p” purpose. We can have many purposeful aspects of our life that contribute to our overall feeling of purpose in the world.
Where purpose started for me
My first thoughts about purpose were, probably just like everyone else, big and lofty. Even though I may not have articulated them as purpose, I think they count as big P Purpose. I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I wanted to be a physical therapist and help people feel better in their bodies. Then I wanted to be a fancy neuroscience professor and cure Alzheimer’s disease. These strivings for “big P” purpose ultimately led me to unhappiness and burnout.
The first inkling I had of a new type of purpose, before I had the words for “little p” purpose that Jordan provided, was when I discovered my Sparketype. I’ve written about what a Sparketype is in this previous post. In short, it’s our imprint for work that makes us come fully alive. You can take your own free Sparketype assessment here (I am in no way affiliated, I’m just a huge fan).
Taking the Sparketype assessment back in 2021 totally rocked my world. It told me that my primary sparketype (the work that most made me light up) was a nurturer and that my anti-sparketype (the work I find most draining) was a scientist. As a neuroscientist, I literally laughed out loud. Was this “test” trying to tell me I was not a high-achieving scientist but a nurturer!?! It was, and I needed to hear it. I literally had goosebumps all over my body, because that teeny tiny voice inside that was doubting everything was finally being heard. I had known something was wrong for a long time, but my brain hadn’t wanted to listen to what my body was trying to say.
No wonder bench science never lit me up, I realized. No wonder I dreaded going into the lab and would rather be at my desk, writing my papers. No wonder that even though I had thought teaching would be my dream job, it wasn’t cutting it. I realized all the “extra” work I had been putting in to try to make my jobs more manageable was actually me trying to let my nurturer side out! For example, when I was a professor, I started a mentor program for the graduate students. When I was an editor, I started a company podcast talking about vulnerable issues like burnout and setting good boundaries. All that time, I had been trying to exercise my nurturer instinct without even knowing it.
At the time, reading my Sparketype writeup and having all these realizations felt a little bit like having the rug pulled out from under me. There was so much more to me and who I was than what I was actually contributing to the world.
Then, as I discovered Slow FI right around the same time, everything started to come together. I realized that I could do work I enjoyed and was good at (editing and writing), make money to work toward my goal of financial independence, but take my foot off the gas a little bit by shifting to part-time work to allow OTHER things to creep in. Other things that fed my nurturer instincts.
Starting to actually live my purpose
This is how my Financial Freedom List (FFL), which I’ve written about previously (linked here), started to take shape. I began to take notes and keep lists of things I wanted to do and try and explore as time allowed. Things like hospice volunteering, which I now do. Things like singing more, playing pickleball, coaching volleyball, and reading to kids at school on their lunch break. These are all items on my FFL.
When I brought up my FFL at the Slow FI Retreat this Fall, Jordan told me that he has a name for these things on my list. He calls them purpose anchors. Purpose anchors are the actions and experiences that can draw you closer to your purpose.
Purpose anchors can be hard to find if you don’t already have a few in mind, or if you haven’t started your own FFL list yet. Luckily, Jordan has a few tips for helping identify your purpose anchors if you’re struggling to come up with some.
For starters, you can try thinking about what you regret. Think about what you would regret if you died tomorrow, and start to translate some of the answers into purpose anchors. Jordan argues that for older folks, this question can be daunting and even anxiety producing, but for younger folks, it can be a powerful way to figure out some purpose anchors to add to your list.
You can also think about what you loved to do as a kid. Did you used to love singing and acting but you can’t remember the last time you did either? For you it could be painting, sports, or even reading. If something gave you so much joy as a kid and you barely even think about it anymore, that could be something to add as a purpose anchor.
What keeps you up at night? What do you go to bed thinking about? Have you ever awoken in the night with what seemed like a crazy idea? It might just be your little p purpose trying to break through and be heard. Listen and you might just be surprised what you hear…a purpose anchor?
If none of the above are getting your purpose anchor juices flowing, Jordan suggests that you can always try the good old spaghetti method. In other words, try a bunch of options and see what sticks. Sign up for that dance class. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Join that cribbage club. You just never know where your little p purpose might lie.
Once you have a few ideas/items on your list, then all you need to do is start experimenting!
In early 2024, this is exactly what I started doing. I took some major steps toward becoming the person I aspire to be, based on my FFL. First, I took a hospice volunteer training course. That course gave me confirmation that I wanted to stay on the hospice volunteer path. So, after reaching Flamingo FI, and when things started to go downhill at work, I shifted to a part-time schedule with Fridays off so that I could start volunteering every Friday morning at the local nursing home. Then, through my hospice volunteer work, I heard about a group of singers who sing to folks at the end of life. I joined the hospice singing group in September. Both of these examples have been some of the best experiences in my recent memory.
All of these steps were experiments. I didn’t know how these experiments would go, but I knew I had to try them to figure out what was next for me. I could always pivot if something wasn’t working or wasn’t lighting me up.
After several months of volunteering and contributing to my community in this way, I can now confidently say that hospice volunteering is giving me a profound sense of little p purpose right now. I couldn’t have known for sure when I started, but I knew I had to try because it was something calling to me. When I saw the ad for hospice volunteering over 2 years ago now, I got that full body feeling. That calling that I had to do this. I was drawn to it, and that feeling didn’t go away. So I had to try.
I realize now that since I discovered Slow FI back around 2018, I have been slowly and unknowingly finding my little p purpose. And I’ve even learned a couple of things along the way.
Try not to doubt yourself
When you’re in the middle of a purpose experiment, try not to doubt yourself. Remind yourself that you’re doing this for a reason. Take some of the pressure off by reminding yourself that if it doesn’t work out, it’s not a failure. It’s a learning. Then you’ll be on to the next experiment.
My hospice volunteer journey wasn’t easy at first, and I doubted myself along the way. It was really difficult to fit the volunteer training in around work, and it was a lot. I wanted to be able to devote more time and energy to the training, but I also had to work full time. Then, after I completed the training, I realized this type of volunteering would be very self-driven and self-motivating. I had to show up. I had to get creative if I wanted to keep it going. I could have sat back and waited for emails telling me someone was at end of life and wanted vigil sitters, but I wanted to do more. I wanted to really experiment. I figured out where else I could be helpful, and then I kept going back, even if it was slightly uncomfortable and awkward. I was willing to push through the discomfort to see where the path would lead. And it’s led to wonderful things.
Focus on the journey
Looking back, I realize that part of my success I think was (unknowingly) focusing more on the process than the outcome. This is in line with what Jordan believes. Jordan argues that little p purpose is more about process than about big lofty goals. If we enjoy the process, we’re living little p purpose. I realized that in my hospice volunteer journey, I focused less on the fact that “I want to be a hospice volunteer” and more on “I want to be there for the people in this nursing home.” Notice that the first thought is about a goal. But if that goal was all there was, what would happen after I achieved it? I completed my goal, which felt good, but then what? Where do we go from here? Focusing only on a specific goal can leave you stuck once you reach it. Whereas the second thought is more process driven. Because I want to be there for people, I keep showing up. Friday mornings work best with my schedule, so every Friday morning, I’ll do my best to show up and be there.
You don’t have to make drastic changes
Hospice volunteering felt (and still feels) a little big and lofty. It was a big change, but it was also one I thought about and planned for for years. However, what you do doesn’t have to be big or drastic to be purposeful.
Something as simple as adding in pickleball once a week to my schedule has also brought me more little p purpose than I ever could have imagined. If you love reading, maybe it’s reading a book on your lunch break rather than staying at your desk or watching some random TV show.
This can also apply if you’re craving more purpose at work. The answer doesn’t always have to be finding a new job. As I mentioned above, I was able to create a bit more purpose at previous jobs by starting a mentor program and creating a podcast. What small thing could you do at work to make it more purposeful?
One of my favorite stories I heard about someone finding more purpose at work without changing jobs was told on an episode of the Hello Monday podcast (one of my favorites). The theme that week was about finding your purpose at work. The guest/expert they had on interviewed employees to see how they found purpose at work. Even though the guest expected that most people do something drastic like quit their job to find their purpose elsewhere, he was amazed to find that most people would figure out their purpose/what they wanted, and then they wouldn’t change a thing! Maybe it was that they couldn’t just change jobs because they were providing for their family, or their job was comfortable and they didn’t want to rock the boat. But what he saw was that 1) people found other ways to make their jobs purposeful, or 2) they went out and found their purpose elsewhere, outside the job.
My favorite example was one woman who thought she wanted to teach, but she couldn’t justify giving up everything at that point in her life to become a teacher. Instead, she decided to get some coaching to gain more clarity, and the coach asked her “what is it about teaching that you love?” After reflecting on this question, she realized that what she deeply wanted, and what she thought she could only get from teaching, was helping people grow. She had an a-ha moment that perhaps she could actually do that at her current job! She started talking to folks at work, having conversations with her boss, and eventually a role opened up at the same company that was a great fit for what she wanted – teaching others how to grow in their roles.
This is a small example, but it’s one I love. My point here is that finding your purpose doesn’t have to be drastic, and it likely won’t come all at once. It takes patience and soul-searching (for most of us) to even find out what may be purposeful for us. Start with a FFL. Start by doing experiments. Start figuring out what it is that you actually want to try in order to feel a sense of purpose, and then take small steps to get there. The woman in this story didn’t find her new role overnight. And it took me 2 years to say yes to hospice volunteering (and even then, I did the training first – I could have easily not gone forward after the training if it didn’t turn out to be something I wanted). Living a purposeful life takes time, and that’s ok.
We are constantly evolving, and so should our purpose
Your purpose can constantly evolve. In fact, I believe it should constantly evolve, because we constantly evolve. Our priorities are shifting, we’re learning new things about ourselves and the world. The only constant in nature is change.
In one of Jordan’s newsletters, he wrote something I truly love. He wrote, I believe that true happiness might actually come from becoming the person we aspire to be. I believe this with my whole heart now. The only caveat I would add is that because we are constantly evolving, who we aspire to be might change, and that’s ok. Just because we start on one path doesn’t mean we can’t change direction when required.
I had a big realization at the Slow FI Retreat that I’d like to tell you about to illustrate this point.
For the longest time on my Slow FI journey, I thought I could put work in the background. I could find a “fine” job and go about my business, building purpose on the side. I’ve achieved that goal. I’ve found a job that’s “just fine” and that allows for the flexibility (part-time work) to live my life of purpose on the side. Even though I achieved exactly what I wanted, I’ve still been unhappy. Well, not necessarily unhappy, I would say. I’ve just been feeling a little “meh,” like something is still missing. Something is still nagging at me from the inside.
Through several discussions at the Slow FI Retreat, I realized that, in fact, I need more purpose at work. I don’t think I can just have an autopilot job and do my passion work on the side. Even with part-time work, work still takes up a majority of my time in a week. For me personally, I need work to fit in with my purposeful life. I can’t just fit my purposeful life around my work.
I realized that if I really want to practice what I preach, to really enjoy the journey, and if I want to build a life that I don’t want to retire from, I need to find more purpose in the work I do for income. I’m only a little over my Flamingo FI goal (half my full FI number), so I still plan to continue to work for income for awhile longer. Plus, I’m good at what I do, and sometimes, I even enjoy what I do. Especially when I’m working on the right project or with the right client. So I know there’s potential there. I just have to figure out my next step for making work more purposeful. Whether that’s making it work at my current job, finding a different job, going out on my own, taking a sabbatical to figure out what’s next, or something else. I’m actually doing some experiments now to figure out what’s next for me. More to come!
Final thoughts
As much as I’m on point with almost everything Jordan has to say about purpose, there’s one area where perhaps we differ in our opinions. You’ll notice the title of this blog post includes the phrase finding your purpose, not building your purpose.
Jordan believes that we don’t find our purpose, we build it. And while I don’t disagree that we can and should build our lives around our purpose, I do believe that we all have our purpose living inside us somewhere, and that with a little work, we can find it.
Perhaps it’s my religious/spiritual background that gives me this belief, which is that all purpose really consists of are the things that light us up, that make us feel like we could keep going forever doing that thing. And that even if we don’t know what they we, we have those things that light us up deep down inside us somewhere. Or perhaps it’s because I’ve seen first hand in myself and others that we can indeed find what lights us up if we commit to things like meditation, journaling, and self reflection.
I believe that we all know, deep down, even if it’s wayyyy beyond our consciousness, what lights us up. We just have to dig it up.
But don’t take my word for it – start experimenting, and see what you find! You just may build a purposeful life for yourself along the way.
What do you think? What’s purposeful for you right now, or are you stuck? I’d love to hear from you!
I’m picking up my copy of Jordan’s new book, The Purpose Code, from my local bookstore today! Based on what I heard from Jordan at the Slow FI Retreat, I can’t wait to read it. Will you read it with me? Perhaps there will be a follow-up post once I’ve finished!