Finally Spending On Me For My Birthday

Hello, friends! Last week marked my 37th birthday. For the last several years now, since 2017 in fact, my birthday tradition has been to go camping. And camping is what I did again this year, but with a twist that I’m excited to share with my financially attuned readership! I hope you enjoy this short tale that feels like a huge step for me on my personal finance journey.

First of all, for what it’s worth, I want to acknowledge right up front here how privileged I am to be able to tell this tale you’re about to read. Privilege is something I should really acknowledge every time I write a post, but it feels especially important to acknowledge this time, given that I know not everyone receives “birthday money” from family at all and yet, it is the focal point of this story. With that, let’s take it away.

For those of you who know my story, you know I’ve always been frugal. I’ve always been a saver.

So much so that in the past, whenever I’ve gotten gifts of money for my birthday, that money has gone directly into savings. Besides perhaps the occasional small splurge, I don’t typically spend any of that money on my present self. I put any birthday money away to benefit my future self.

And I will say that habit, that technique of saving every penny, has served me well. I’ve saved so much throughout my life, in fact, that I recently hit my goal of acquiring half of my financial independence (FI) number (or 25x my annual expenses). This half-way mark is known by many within the FI space as Flamingo FI.

But some may also argue that I’ve had no fun along the way. Although this is completely untrue (I’ve managed to have a lot of fun in my life so far), it is true that I haven’t done a lot of spending on myself, especially around my birthday. I don’t have a lot of wants, especially for material things, so in the past when I’ve gotten that birthday money, it’s gone straight to my savings.

However, things have changed a bit as of recent, and I have a certain someone to thank for shaking things up. Enter, Mr. Dink’s Dad.

Let me set the stage a little bit. I grew up in a lower end of the spectrum middle income family, where for most birthdays and holidays, you got a single gift. Aunts and uncles maybe sent you a max of $50 until you turned 18. Mr. Dink grew up in a higher income family who did things a little differently, a little more lavishly if you will. Gift giving, and especially money giving, was a lot more plentiful and extravagant in that family.

So, for starters, Mr. Dink’s Dad gives me more money on my birthday and at Christmas than I’ve ever gotten from my family. It is an amount I never fathomed anyone giving me for any occasion ever (except, maybe, a wedding). At first, this situation was incredibly uncomfortable for me. But now that Mr. Dink and I are married and have been together for 8 years, and I’ve gotten to know his parents much better, I’ve come to accept it. For his parents, this is their way of showing affection (and it’s their money, after all), and I have to respect that.

Being the frugal saver I’ve always been, and getting a large (to me) chunk of money once in awhile, makes me immediately want to put it straight into savings and investments, and then watch it grow. Make my money work for me. And in the past, that’s what I’ve always done.

Now, Mr. Dink’s Dad knows that I’m a saver. He knows my investment strategy and that I’m on the journey to financial independence. In fact, he loves that about me. So much so that this is the main way that we have bonded since I met his son.

But he’s also been down the same road, and he knows that life is short. While he admires that I’m such a good saver, he also encourages me to “have a little fun” with my money from time to time. Every time he sends me a birthday or Christmas check, he writes in the card that he hopes I won’t put it ALL into investments. He hopes I’ll spend at least a little bit of it on myself, on something that brings me joy and happiness.

In the past, I’d always chuckle at his words, say to myself “aww, how sweet,” and then put the entire check straight into savings.

Until last year.

Last year, on my birthday camping trip, my brother and sister-in-law arrived with a new tent.

Now, Mr. Dink and I had had the same tent for awhile at that point, and we had both been craving a bit more space. When we saw my brother’s tent, we knew it was time to upgrade.

We talked about it a lot that weekend. We went home and did lots of research. And we ultimately decided on the tent we wanted.

We’d also been wanting to upgrade our sleeping arrangement. We’d always bought air mattresses, which weren’t made for camping, and inevitably they’d pop, usually in the middle of the night, and leave us waking up on the ground and grumpy as all get-out the next morning.

Once we decided we were going to purchase the new tent, we were on a roll. Mr. Dink wanted to use that momentum to finally build us the sleeping platform he’d been dreaming up for awhile now. And I wanted to get us a camping-specific mattress, something higher quality than the air mattresses we’d been using, but inevitably more expensive.

And so, I had an idea.

I had just gotten my birthday check from Mr. Dink’s Dad. And this time, when I read the note stating he hoped I would buy something for myself this year, a lightbulb went off. I thought about it, and I decided to approach Mr. Dink.

I told him I wanted to use my birthday money to buy this new tent and camping mattress. Sure, we could have easily paid for these things with our own money. We absolutely could have afforded them on our own. But this slight spending tweak felt different. This felt special. This felt like me making a breakthrough on my spending and savings habits.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t that big of a deal logistically. It was still money coming out of my bank account. But it was the intentionality behind the action that made the difference. The fact that I compartmentalized in my brain where the money was coming from. That I was spending money gifted to me and not putting it straight into savings.

And so all last year, we used our new camping tent/sleeping set-up and loved it. And it felt extra special, extra good to me that I had been intentional with some birthday money, and that we didn’t have to dip into our own buckets to pay for something that brought us that much happiness.

It got me thinking. Maybe there’s something to this.

I already had a high savings rate. I already had all my money automated so that I was saving the amount I wanted to be saving every month. Everything was on autopilot when it came to my finances.

So why couldn’t I have a little fun with any extra money that came in, including my birthday money?

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Since then, I’ve read the book Die With Zero by Bill Perkins, which has really helped affirm and solidify this feeling for me.

It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly over time, my mindset has shifted from “save every penny you can now to be able to retire later” to “If I’m completely intentional with how I save my money, and I’m saving enough already, I can still have fun now.”

That’s what this whole blog is about anyway! I have to practice what I preach: finding joy along the journey to financial independence, taking a slower yet more meaningful path, slowing down and smelling the roses.

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So after that last successful summer of spending my birthday money on material things that brought me happiness, I dreamed big for this year. I knew what I wanted to do, and spending a little money could help make it happen.

For this year’s birthday camping trip, I wanted to invite a few more people than usual. People who I was confident would fit the vibe and contribute to the happiness of the group. I wanted everyone to be comfortable, and to have their own space, which would mean extra campsites. And I wanted to pay for it all. I wanted all the people who were most important to me to be with my on my birthday and not have to worry about logistics or payment.

I reached out to everyone I wanted to invite to see if they were interested in joining and could make the date, and then I booked multiple campsites at my favorite state park. I didn’t think twice about how much it cost (in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t even that much). I only thought about the experience I wanted to create.

Then, as the date got closer, Mr. Dink and I planned out the logistics. We wanted everyone to have a good time, of course. And everyone else we invited has kids, so we decided we wanted to take care of the majority of the food. We wanted to cook for people, because that’s what we love to do, but we also wanted everyone else to have one less thing to worry about. Everyone was so grateful, and I got to try out some new camping recipes. It was a win-win, and we all ended up having the best time.

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When I was younger, I would miss out on experiences because I would rather save than spend my money. My friends would go out without me while I stayed home and moped around. Or, I would panic when I did go out to eat with a group of friends, only to order a water and a salad to try to stay frugal, and then was asked to split the check evenly.

Sure, these spending rules I had for myself when I was younger created good habits and allowed me to save a significant amount at a young age, but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to miss out on experiences because I’m worried about how much money I’ll be spending. I want to know that I’ve automated where I can, and I can spend the rest – on things I value, and on experiences I want to have while I still can. Life is too short not to slow down and enjoy the small, simple experiences that can add up to a whole lot of joy and happiness.

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What do you think? Do you spend your birthday money, or put it into savings? When’s the last time you spent money purely on yourself and your desires? I’d love to hear from you!